00:00
00:00
Bobbybroccoli
I don't know who you are or what you're like in real life, but I disagree with something you have said on the internet. I guess that makes you a homosexual.

Age 27, Male

Cartoonist

Not the Harry Potter one

Your basement

Joined on 9/26/10

Level:
34
Exp Points:
12,110 / 12,830
Exp Rank:
2,373
Vote Power:
7.49 votes
Rank:
Police Officer
Global Rank:
16,565
Blams:
122
Saves:
472
B/P Bonus:
10%
Whistle:
Bronze
Medals:
1,056

The life cycle of a wild pepperoni.

Posted by Bobbybroccoli - October 8th, 2011


We start our journey in Southern Africa, in the middle of the Savanah.

We are currently looking at a nest of eggs, seemingly abandoned.

The mother is in fact hiding just below the ridge near the nest, waiting to pounce should a predator attack her kin.

One by one the eggs begin to hatch. Slowly small white-red cylindrical tubes of perfectly seasoned deli meat and spices emerge out of their eggs.

Immdiatly the mother senses that something is wrong, one of the babies is sick. It was shaped like a pyramid. The mother knew what she had to do. As quick as she could, she scooped the newborn up with her mouth and headed off into the sunset.

The mother had left the newborn to die, she couldn't risk the infection of her other children.

3 cubs remained. One was almost twice as big as the other two. It would most likely grow up to be a very large male.

The mother didn't have any food to give her cubs. She'd have to wait until tomorrow, it was too dangerous to hunt at night, especially with her cubs alone.

The next day one of the cubs had died during the night. It seemed this cub had also showed some sign of disease.

The mother decided to bring her remaining two cubs to find a new place to set up a nest.

Slowly they rolled on their sides until they arrived at a watering hole. A few rhinoceros, and 3 zebras are taking a relaxing bath in the watering hole.

Without alerting their prey, the mother silently rolled up a hill positioned directly above one of the rhinos. Suddendly the zebra scatter, she's been seen. The rhinos aren't as quick. The mother rolls down the hill with speed that could rival a cheetah. Two of the rhinos flee, the other rhino stays frozen in place, terrified.

He is flatenned into a macabre mess of raw meat and blood. The pepperoni feed well tonight.

The next day, the mother continues to search for a suitable location to care for here children. The harsh conditions haven't made the journey easy one the little cubs. They both are on the verge of exhaustion. Cubs aren't typically used to such amounts of rolling.

The mother decideds to stay put for the time being. Night fall is almost upon them, and the nocturnal predators often start to hunt at this time.

It is th middle of the night, the mother awakens to one her cubs screeching. A large leopard dragging away one of her cubs. The mother moves with ferocity, and tries to intimidate her assailent. She knows her cub is already lost. The leopard notices the mother's sudden movements, and knows enough to leave.

The mother is now alone with the cub who was twice as big as the other others. She will guard that cub like she would guard her own life.

Ober the next few months, the cub will be taught to hunt, how to know when a enemy is too large to fight, how hide it's scent, and how to live on it's own.

By this time, the cub is almost as big as the mother. It is time to leave.

The cub spends it first week alone by mostly taking the food leftover by larger predators. Once the cub had to flee because of several hyenas wanting the same meal.

After another month, the cub can now find it's own food.

After two more months, the cub has reached adulthood. It's primary goal right now is to find a mate.

One day, at the peak of the sun, the pepperoni spots a desirable female. He approaches the female, just as another large rival approaches.

They size each other up. Our pepperoni is a a brand of mild pepperoni, whereas it's rival is a hot and spicy variety. Any other pepperoni would realize that it's is fighting an uphill battle, and abandon it's hopes for this mate. Our pepperoni instinctively launched itself at it's rival. It landed on top of the rival, and proceded to act as a miniature steamroller.

Most pepperonis would have been gravely injured by this attack. The hot and spicy is known for their extra kick.

The rival rolled out underneath of our pepperoni, and proceded to circle around, attempting to confuse our pepperoni.

Our pepperoni being exceptionally intelligent, waited for his opponent to disorient himself. Once his rival became disoriented, our pepperoni took out a helicopter and cut up his rival.

Then he mated with the female and they repeated the cycle and eventually went to New York city and stood on top of the empire state building and people thought it that was cool so the made King Kong and the pepperoni's got pissed and sued them and everyone turned into zombies and had a dance competition and since everyone knows deli meats are excellent dancers the pepperoni won and they got 26 billion dollars and they made time travel possible and went back in time and stopped World War 2 where they became famous but they were made a paradox and shit so they decided to make cookies because cookies solve everything and pizzas too because pizzas are great also they became nuclear physicists and got 30 thoudsand nobel prizes and Elton John was there and he made a song about it and then the pepperonis eventually died.

The end.


Comments

When's National Geographic going to hire you? David Attenborough would be shamed by your naturalist skills.

I got an interview but they said I was too young so I invented gravity and stuff so I got bored and had a bagel.

Then they said I had the job and I refused because I'm good like that.

owww

I WILL DESTROY YOU WITH THE MIGHT OF THE GODS AND SOME SHIT AND YOU WILL EXCLAIM YOUR PAIN IN A BRUTALLY DAMAGED VOICE THAT SLOWLY AND QUIETLY SAYS:

"owww".

My almighty Dragon (Ryu) will save me.

You think you can kill the Destined Child....?