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Bobbybroccoli
I don't know who you are or what you're like in real life, but I disagree with something you have said on the internet. I guess that makes you a homosexual.

Age 27, Male

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Not the Harry Potter one

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How to make non-useless reviews. Version 1.5

Posted by Bobbybroccoli - May 16th, 2011


Version 1.5. I'll be adding things to this post when I have the time, so check back every so often.

This guide is better for a quick run through of what not to do and what to do. My friend ThyReviewer has a more extensive guide (meaning it could fill a book) so if you want to improve to the ranks of XwaynecoltX, he is your best bet. (His second post)

http://sheizenhammer.newgrounds.com/ is where you can find some hilarious real-life examples of some pretty crappy reviews.

Note: Before you go rooting through my reviews, I am aware that several reviews of mine are complete crap. The point is I'm trying to change, and therefore so can you.

@@@@@@

I've noticed a lot of crap reviews lately and I'm pretty sure most of you have as well. Here are some tips on how to provide non-useless reviews.

1. The review function is not like a comment system. Don't just say things like "this is crap" or "wow lol what just happened?". First of all saying this is crap doesn't explain why the flash is crap. Elaborate on anything you say, and if you don't feel like you can provide any information of value, then just don't review.

2. Avoid 2 word reviews. Simply putting "lol" does not qualify as helpful. Saying something like "good flash" is better, but it is always a good idea to say what you liked and disliked, as some people might not share your sense of humour.

3. Please capatilize a "SPOILERS WARNING" if you want to talk about a key plot point. nothing is more annoying than waiting for a flash to load and finding out someone dies at the end before you watch it.

4. Suggestions for what could have been done better are always appreciated. Though make sure you word your suggestions correctly. Good example: Nice effort. I suggest re-synching the music next time for better effect. Bad example: Next time don't suck so much.

5. Something that astounds me is the number of reviews that get marked helpful when the only thing written was a quote from the flash. Example: "Remember that laserbeam you took to the face? Cancer." That was from one of my reviews for WTFuture. Now let me ask you this: what information about the flash did that provide you? Exactly.

6. Don't waste a review by pointing out that you can't load the flash/get a medal/have a glitch. If the problem is wide-spread then other people will have complained about it as well. If other people are actually commenting on the flash's content, it's probably your computer's fault, not the author's.

7. Don't try and be funny by giving the "turd of the week" a 10/10. There's a reason it got that award. Don't give a flash that doesn't deserve praise a high score (plus it makes you look like a tool).

8. Commenting on every aspect of the flash is always a good thing. Here are the main categories: Animation, music, humour, control (for games). Don't just give a movie a 0 because it wasn't funny, if the animation was amazing, then your review is next to worthless.

9. Divide your reviews into paragraphs. Walls of text are hard to read and generaly mix together too many subjcts at once.

10. Use proper grammar. It makes you look like a douchebag when you don't capatilize your I's.

11. Another idiotic thing that is done by reviewers is giving good reviews because of an author's past work. Just because your favourite author just made a new flash doesn't mean it's the best thing since cheese.

12. Questions for the author do not count as reviews. Too many times have I seen things like : "What is the name of the msuic at the end thxs bye" or "When are you releasing *insert your favourite flash series here* *insert next number of sequence*." These are better suited for a PM, and most top notch authors don't read all their reviews, so your question is as good as unasked.

13. Another bad thing to do is to simply respond to another users review. Just because you disagree with their opinion, doesn't mean you're allowed to waste a review that they will never read. A PM to the reviewer is always a better choice, and the option of actually stating your opinion in your review is twice as good.

14. This next guideline is a simple observation of mine, but then again people are allowed to have their opinions. A lot of people seem to think reviews can only give two ratings: 0 or 10.

Think about it for a second, the flash may have been funny, but did it really deserve a 10? Some reviewers mention something they didn't like about the flash, but for some reason they still award the flash a 10. 7, 8, 9 still mean the flash is good, but awarding unrealistic 100%s to every second flash you see is just a flaw in the review system.

The same goes for giving straight zeros. If the person seems to have actually made an effort to create a good flash (IE: not the Kitty Crew, or trolls) giving them a zero might make them un-motivated to actually improve their methods.

15. This is just tip if you want to provide feedback that will certainly be helpful to people. Review an under judgement flash once in a while. Chances are your review won't be read by the average user, but a new author trying out flash for the first time will love to have some legitimate feedback (as in not telling them to go kill themselves). Reviewing a UJ flash will most likely make someone's day.

16. There's this odd misconception that Newgrounds is in fact Youtube. The review system on NG is not at all like the comment system on Youtube! NG reviews are for providing feedback on the movie, not trying to be a smart ass and getting the most thumbs-up. If you write a hilarious review that doesn't once mention the flash, your review is worthless. The review system is for helping out artists, it's not about getting people over the internet to laugh about your terrible pun.

17. For any flash that involves medals, I often see reviews that have guides for how to unlock them. In my mind, I think: "Cool, thanks man. *clicks on useless marker* Next time don't waste ten minutes compiling an extensive list of medals for a game that sucks." A list of medals in no way tells me whether or not the game is actually fun and/or playable. Always make sure to add your medal guide at the end of your actual review.


Comments

I like your ideas. I'll keep these in mind when I write my reviews.

Good day.

Glad to help.

I totally agree. :| I mean, people should really learn to think before they say something. Nice one, dude. I'll take note of this. :)

Gonzo.

Im glad ya made this little tutorial on not being stupid but chill out dude. Did I offend you by calling your movies crap or something?

No, I have no movies. This is only to prevent a new wave of idiots from over populating newgrounds (I tell all new members about this, so don't feel like I'm getting mad at you).

Alright my bad, but have I said anything borderline retarded?

Some of your's don't exactly scream "helpful review" but they're better than the average user. Keep it up.

If I dont say anything thats particularly aboot being helpful I express my liking or disliking with simplicity. Its how the internet me rollz... Though when I feel like it, I can provide quite the helpful anon persona.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMONPQRSTUVWXYZ

This is completely true. A lot of people on Newgrounds don't leave good comments that a human being would say. Whenever I write a comment, I check my grammar and my web browser (Mozilla Firefox) can tell me if I did spell anything wrong. Also, I hate it when people say "Oh this flash sucks. get a life you fag." They just make people think that they can't make flash. I tell people that it is bad, but I try to put it in a positive way like "You could've done this". This was a good post. Thanks for telling me about it.

thirdhood

Glad I'm not alone here.

i hope you are not a troll

Do you know what a troll is?

Oh wow thanks for showing me the right way to reveiw, because some of my reviews I have made dont have grammer. Although i dont think I have said someones flash sucked.... well maybe one person. Anyways thanks this really helped and ill remember this in my future reviews. :D

ur wlcme thxs

Very good guide, espicially how to comet a flsh/audio.
Thanks will help me a lot in the future.

But I must admit that I like funny comments or quotes from a flash. :D

Thank you sir.

so now i fell stupid

Atleast you know now. You're suprisingly better off than most users.

dude jsut go to <a href="http://sheizenhammer.newgrounds.com/">http://sheizenhammer.newgrounds.com/</a> he is master of what not to do in revieuws

I do agree that his collection of crap reviews is hilarious, but there are differences between our pages. Mine is about what not to do and why. His is about what people have done. Mine is to help bad reviewers. His is about having a good laugh at their expense.

<a href="http://thyreviewer.newgrounds.com/news/post/591514">http://thyreviewer.newgrounds.com/new s/post/591514</a>

I believe I recommended your tips as well at the end of my big guide.

Woah, your guide is huge. And thanks for mentioning me.

idk what this is

Try reading the title.

Dangit, now I feel all bad for making reviews.

I think my main problem is that I have a heavy bias for certain things, I am not a professional by any means.

Since the Score system is so arbitrary in a review I just usually choose a number based on how much I like it. That being said I would never give 0's or 10's because that implies at least to me absolute failure or absolute perfection.

I do like making as detailed reviews as possible, but its hard when you don't even have the vocabulary to describe how you feel about something. Sometimes I just make up phrases to describe how I feel about something, otherwise I just try to be as truthful as possible.

I make about one review a week. I wait until an influential flash comes along, and then I pounce. It stops me from rushing through my reviews too quickly.

thats why you put thats stupid comment in my account

If you learned anything from this then it wasn't stupid.

I appreciated this, but this is basic knowledge, anyone that actually pays attention to rules and knows better then to review anything without thinking of ideas to improve it. There is allot on here that doesn't need improvement, so there shouldn't be reviews for these in particular, reviews are there to help the creators learn how to make there next, better then there last. This is indeed helpful for anyone and everyone that has never reviewed a thing in there life. I thank you for helping others, but I believe it isn't needed for everyone. As far as I know, I have only reviewed things that need it. Again I thank you for this, and I thank you for your time.

I am aware that not everyone is an incompetant moron, but I am correct when I say there the majority of people are.

Ok, if you don't like the reviews, don't read them. And how did youfind my page, and why did you suggest that I read it? By the way, I am able to write a review by myself.

We read them because you can mark them helpful, useless, or abusive.

I search out new users so they don't go about writing three word reviews that are completely useless and clog up newgrounds.

I don't (and a lot of other users don't) want crap reviews. If we are to actually find out the public opinion through someone's review, we want more than a simple "That was so epic!!!!!!!!!!!".

Well thats really true. Great work friend!

Thank you sir.